By David Charles Edwards
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Additional resources for Bereavement at Work: A Pratical Guide for Supporting People at a Critical Time
Going back to some elements repeatedly is common. ■ Some of the elements may be apparently missed out altogether or passed over so lightly that they appear insignificant by comparison with the others. ■ Aspects of the process may be delayed for some people, until triggered by later events. TEN ELEMENTS OF BEREAVEMENT The 10 elements of bereavement are listed first and then considered a little more fully: 1. Shock ■ Numbness, protection from emotions, which might otherwise be overwhelming. 2. Acute grief ■ Raw, overwhelming sadness: compulsion to think about the loss despite the pain of doing so.
The loneliness of those caring for a child or a disabled person, who subsequently dies, can also be especially intense. So much of the previous life had been taken up with care that the resulting gap and emptiness might feel huge. Loneliness can also be felt sexually, sometimes as an increase in libido. This can feel like betraying the person who has died and be an added source of unnecessary shame, instead of reflecting how sex was a channel for expressing love and a good deal besides. Loneliness can often be most acute in bed.
The opportunities for guilt in bereavement pile up. There can be a host of regrets: ■ Why didn’t I spot his loss of weight? ■ Why didn’t I get her to see the doctor sooner? ■ Why wasn’t I more patient when he was ill? ■ I could have done more to relieve her suffering, improved the quality of her life or even prevented her death. ■ If I had known that this was going to happen, I would never have spoken to him like that: no wonder he was making so many mistakes those last few days. ■ She was difficult to get on with, but I’ll never forgive myself for not trying harder.
Bereavement at Work: A Pratical Guide for Supporting People at a Critical Time by David Charles Edwards